a vaulted cell, and a rendez-vous~
I have none of those things in all actuality, but it's a good song. Too bad I can only listen to the preview. Anyhow, I'm just in the mood to rant and no ones in the mood to listen. So I turn to a journal that no one will read, which really is all for the better considering my mood is so down.
Though it is all too obvious exactly how pointless my life is in the summer I'm at least content managing to sheep along. Today I went to a Vintage Clothing store called Circa, and an Antique store nearby (technically they share a building). Well, both were amazing. I bought a purse from the 50s, which I adore... and browsed through antiques that I definitely will drag myself back for when I have money available. So there are some Good points of my current situation.
In a desperate attempt to get me to stop being a loaf of depressed teenager and to clean my room my mother has offered the reward of an online corset order. Which is quite tempting, but tomorrow I am going to bowl with Danielle and Chris. These are other positives of course, but the thing is I can't help but feel... melancholy, and unimpressed by the thought of them.
I guess the logical answer is that it's just my depression, which usually is worse during the inactivity of summer. It's frustrating however that I have no real reason to be so upset. All in all this summer has been pretty good so far. I went to New Hampshire with Sami, and got to do a lot of browsing Thrift Shops and such in my other spare time. The worst part of my life is that there is no worst part, yet I still get like this... if that makes any sense.
Well not like the rest of my life is spiffy clean either. My Dad's been on my, actually, my whole family's nerves as of late. He quit taking some of his medications. *He has bipolar and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder* Well needless to say his sudden decrease in medication is causing a lot of over reactions, arguments and stress. Not to say that there aren't always arguments in my house. They just get progressively worse the less medication my father is on. I respect my dad, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't realize how hard it is for the rest of us to cope when he self adjusts his medication. I really do understand how he wants to change his medication, I know my antidepressants cause some problems for me too, like memory loss and a kind of robotic like feeling that comes with the territory. But he has to realize that being medicated is ultimately in everyone's best interest. Even his.
A strange thing that I find getting to me is my lack of romantic interest. Now, I would perfectly understand being bothered by a lack of relationship. But oddly enough it's as if I prefer the chase and almost exclusively choosing people who I know will reject me. I mean, I can't ruin a relationship that I can't get myself into. Anyhow, being out of school, and not being a social butterfly but rather a socially awkward caterpillar of sorts, kind of puts me away from the whole dating scene. Meeting people is hard for me during the summer. It's a little harder to meet lesbians too, or bi girls who are actually serious when they say they're bi. haha.
Which brings me to another point, I really miss the Gay Straight Alliance (A club for Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, andd Straight Members that supports Gay Rights) I like having that sense of community, and during summer being pent up in a house full of people who aren't against, but not necessarily for Gay Rights kind of doesn't encompass it. What's unfortunate is that next year my school's GSA will only have meetings once a month. That's really disheartening for me because I really like the GSA. There's no real way to put it but it makes me feel safe.
Well I don't really have much else to say, so I guess I'll end this, at least getting things out there feels a like a little bit of a relief.